【 Marriage 】
「When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I
held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down
and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes..
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She
didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away
the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we
didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find
out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a
satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her
anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I
drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house,
our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it
into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had
become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and
energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so
dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had
expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea
of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer
and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and
found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went
straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an
eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the
table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep
again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions:
she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the
divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live
as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his
exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our
broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had
something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out
bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the
month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever
morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days
together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about
my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was
absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce,
she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact
since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried
her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped
behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a
sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I
walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and
said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling
somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for
the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second
day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could
smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at
this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any
more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our
marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had
done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a
sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years
of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our
sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It
became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday
workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one
morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable
one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly
realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could
carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so
much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and
touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad,
it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his
mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to
our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away
because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then
held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room,
to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I
held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But
her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in
my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held
her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I
drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked
upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not
want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and
then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her
hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life
was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our
lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that
since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to
hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She
gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I
walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I
ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to
write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning
until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers
in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife
in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was
so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and
she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son,
in case we push through with the divorce.
— At least, in the eyes of our son — I’m a loving husband...
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot
give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s
friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do
have a real happy marriage!
