28th December 2011

Akhirnya Pelindung mati.
Meninggalkan Kehidupan mencari erti perjalanananya sendiri. Membiarkan Kehidupan terkapai-kapai. Membawa seribu satu pertanyaan untuk Kehidupan. Kehidupan tercari-cari arah dalam terang. Kehidupan tergapai-gapai walaupun celik. Mungkin Kehidupan tidak akan dapat memahami apa yang Pelindung cuba lakukan. Ya, Pelindung amat bermakna untuk Kehidupan. Kehidupan tidak akan lupa. Kehidupan juga tidak akan memaafkan. Kehidupan bukan kejam. Tapi lebih mudah begitu.

Matahari datang
Matahari keringkan tanah yang basah dek hujan yang tak henti-henti turun
Matahari hangatkan sekujur tubuh yang terlalu lama dibiarkan dalam kesejukan
Tapi Kehidupan marah pada Matahari sebab buat Kehidupan sedih, marah dan benci pada Pelindung.
Hati dan jiawa Kehidupan, Pelindung yang pegang dan jaga. Tapi sekarang apa yang Kehidupan nak buat dengan cebisan hati ni?

Kehidupan kini tak punya lagi hati. Kehidupan mahu Pelindung tahu yang Kehidupan punya hati untuk Pelindung sahaja.


Kehidupan sengaja membiarkan Pelindung menolak. Sebab Kehidupan tahu, mana akhirnye walaupun dia kutip cebis-cebis hatinya, cantumkan kembali, Kehidupan tetap akan lalui hari-harinya sendiri.

Tahniah kepada Kehidupan kerana tetap tabah
Tahniah kepada Pelindung kerana akhirnya kamu musnahkan erti kepercayaan


ke mana arah kini?
jangan takut lalui lorong gelap itu. mungkin di situ la tempat kamu akan jumpa cahaya

don't take it so bad,i'll still be thinking of you

Don't Cry 

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Something's changing inside you
And don't you know

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinking of you
And the times we had...baby

And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

And please remember that I never lied
And please remember how I felt inside now honey
You got to make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby

And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight

this is for you

do i want a proper good bye?
do i need you to confront me?
do i hope that you will actually saying its all a lil misunderstanding?

i can't even imagine if you were to say good bye
i don't want to feel sick seeing you
i wouldn't take it as a mistake

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
do you have any idea how hard it is? How i try my very hard to keep my sanity?
people would say that I'm pathetic. Crying over spill milk.
but what they never know is what it took for me to unlock and open up my heart?
open up for you. Dammit!! It hurt. As much I really want to make you suffer for doing this to me, I won't be able to hurt you, ever.

And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space
yes, i gave you all the space in world but suddenly you decide to left me hanging.
i know i tried to reach you but purely because I'm so used to have you around
to have you making me smile
to have you soothing me when I'm sad, owh, maybe that is why I  felt your disappearance so much. I never thought that you will be the one that make me sad. I didn't come out with back up plan of it.

While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
i don't really know if i were good enough
i don't really know if i were supportive enough
i don't really know if i were understanding enough


i never doubted you when you are in your weird moment. i understand that you are not as plain as any other person. you are unique in your way.
i recalled that you told me why you choose me at the first place

- you know that i will able to cope with your difference-

what happen to that belief? why do chose to left me behind?
reading those messages where you try to convince me that we will be together
make me dying
make me feel ridiculous
make me feel mad
why did you make me believe that we could we be together when you, yourself are trying to love me?
after all this while, only now i realize that its just a try-to-make-it-work basis relationship.
I'm your try and error experimental guinea pig.
I'm just your trial.
I'm just a toy after all,isn't?

I always be there for you
right behind you
when things turn ugly, I'm there to make you think the bright side of it
is it enough?
is it good for you?
i never question those thing that i know i won't understand
i never stand between your family, your band, even yourself
i never make you chose either one of it
i never make you put me first then your band, your father, your brother
even when i really want you to look me in the eyes, say that you love me and thanks me for being here for you - and really mean it -
i give you all the time, space and understanding that one could ever give
i take your hand when you lose your place in your own band
i take your shoulder and set it proud back when they started to question your capability
i sit next to you in every practice, in every show, in every moment when you need company
but then, you realize that you can't talk to me
saying it to my face
that you can't see where this going?
you decide that you can walk away
run and avoiding me
and everything that it take to leave me


And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?” 

now i realize that i might not be able to accept if you were to say that were done
and you know that as well

i hope that
one day when you have the courage to face me
one day when I have the faith to face you
you will look into my eyes and see the pain inside
you will feel the hurt in my heart
you will hear the cry of the mistake

let it be your mistake of leaving me
or my mistake letting you go

my smile that once bring shine to your life
my smile that once bring happiness to your heart
my smile that once bring new meaning to your relation
the smile that the only living ever received is you

is now gone...
but i still can fake a smile

** how can you do this to me

 ~hate me - Blue October ~

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

there's nothing left to say

 i never need the pain

I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs
I never needed pain, I never needed strength
My love for you was strong enough you should have known

I never needed you for judgements
I never needed you to question what I spent
I never ask for help, I take care of myself,
I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations
There isn't anything for you to say
And my eye's hurt, hand's shiver,
So look at me and listen to me because

I don't want too, stay another minute
I don't want you, to say a single word
Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, I get the final say because,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush, hush

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say
I never needed words
I never needed hurts
I never needed you to be there everyday

I'm sorry for the way I let go
From everything I wanted when you came along
But I'm never beaten, broken not defeated
I know next to you is not where I belong

And it's a little late for explanations

There isn't anything that you can do
And my eye's hurt, hand's shiver,
So you will listen when I say
Baby

I don't want too, stay another minute
I don't want you, to say a single word
Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, I get the final say because,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush, hush

First I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
But I grew strong I learned how to carry on

Hush, hush, hush hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken baby
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
Hey Hey..

Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, I get the final say,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love ïs broken
Baby hush, hush

pelangi

Langit itu bukan selalu cerah. 

Bukan selalu indah. Guruh, kilat, hujan. 

Kadang-kadang kita terlalu lalai nak tengok bawah. 

Lupa pada pokok, rumput, tanah. 

Sebab kita fikir atas sana lagi indah.

Awak,

Saya tahu awak tahu,

Saat saya putus untuk tetapkan hati, yakinkan diri - awak hilang

Biarkan saya terapung, paru-paru saya makin sempit. Jantung saya makin laju.

Tapi saya tak salahkan awak.

tapi hati saya mula membenci awak.

saya nak padam number awak dari phOnebook saya tp saya dh hafal la number awak.

kalau saya pakai number lain pun,saya masih akan curi-curi mesej awak.

sekarang ni pun tiap-tiap pagi saya langgar janji saya.

saya minta maaf.

Aku bukan wanita kuat seperti yang wujud dalam fikiran mu itu

Aku juga bukan pejuang yang akan bermatian untuk hati sendiri

Aku sudah belajar melepaskan (mungkin juga masih belajar)

Tapi aku masih simpan hati kamu

this could be my chance to say goodbye

THE USED - The Taste of Ink

Is it worth that can't you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this

Won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there so you can see it
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
We'll drink and dance the night away
We'll drink and dance the night away

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
Savor every moment of this

(As long as you're alive here I am..)

As long as you're alive
Here I am
I promise I will take you there