28th December 2011

Akhirnya Pelindung mati.
Meninggalkan Kehidupan mencari erti perjalanananya sendiri. Membiarkan Kehidupan terkapai-kapai. Membawa seribu satu pertanyaan untuk Kehidupan. Kehidupan tercari-cari arah dalam terang. Kehidupan tergapai-gapai walaupun celik. Mungkin Kehidupan tidak akan dapat memahami apa yang Pelindung cuba lakukan. Ya, Pelindung amat bermakna untuk Kehidupan. Kehidupan tidak akan lupa. Kehidupan juga tidak akan memaafkan. Kehidupan bukan kejam. Tapi lebih mudah begitu.

Matahari datang
Matahari keringkan tanah yang basah dek hujan yang tak henti-henti turun
Matahari hangatkan sekujur tubuh yang terlalu lama dibiarkan dalam kesejukan
Tapi Kehidupan marah pada Matahari sebab buat Kehidupan sedih, marah dan benci pada Pelindung.
Hati dan jiawa Kehidupan, Pelindung yang pegang dan jaga. Tapi sekarang apa yang Kehidupan nak buat dengan cebisan hati ni?

Kehidupan kini tak punya lagi hati. Kehidupan mahu Pelindung tahu yang Kehidupan punya hati untuk Pelindung sahaja.


Kehidupan sengaja membiarkan Pelindung menolak. Sebab Kehidupan tahu, mana akhirnye walaupun dia kutip cebis-cebis hatinya, cantumkan kembali, Kehidupan tetap akan lalui hari-harinya sendiri.

Tahniah kepada Kehidupan kerana tetap tabah
Tahniah kepada Pelindung kerana akhirnya kamu musnahkan erti kepercayaan


ke mana arah kini?
jangan takut lalui lorong gelap itu. mungkin di situ la tempat kamu akan jumpa cahaya

don't take it so bad,i'll still be thinking of you

Don't Cry 

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Something's changing inside you
And don't you know

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinking of you
And the times we had...baby

And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

And please remember that I never lied
And please remember how I felt inside now honey
You got to make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby

And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight

this is for you

do i want a proper good bye?
do i need you to confront me?
do i hope that you will actually saying its all a lil misunderstanding?

i can't even imagine if you were to say good bye
i don't want to feel sick seeing you
i wouldn't take it as a mistake

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
do you have any idea how hard it is? How i try my very hard to keep my sanity?
people would say that I'm pathetic. Crying over spill milk.
but what they never know is what it took for me to unlock and open up my heart?
open up for you. Dammit!! It hurt. As much I really want to make you suffer for doing this to me, I won't be able to hurt you, ever.

And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space
yes, i gave you all the space in world but suddenly you decide to left me hanging.
i know i tried to reach you but purely because I'm so used to have you around
to have you making me smile
to have you soothing me when I'm sad, owh, maybe that is why I  felt your disappearance so much. I never thought that you will be the one that make me sad. I didn't come out with back up plan of it.

While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
i don't really know if i were good enough
i don't really know if i were supportive enough
i don't really know if i were understanding enough


i never doubted you when you are in your weird moment. i understand that you are not as plain as any other person. you are unique in your way.
i recalled that you told me why you choose me at the first place

- you know that i will able to cope with your difference-

what happen to that belief? why do chose to left me behind?
reading those messages where you try to convince me that we will be together
make me dying
make me feel ridiculous
make me feel mad
why did you make me believe that we could we be together when you, yourself are trying to love me?
after all this while, only now i realize that its just a try-to-make-it-work basis relationship.
I'm your try and error experimental guinea pig.
I'm just your trial.
I'm just a toy after all,isn't?

I always be there for you
right behind you
when things turn ugly, I'm there to make you think the bright side of it
is it enough?
is it good for you?
i never question those thing that i know i won't understand
i never stand between your family, your band, even yourself
i never make you chose either one of it
i never make you put me first then your band, your father, your brother
even when i really want you to look me in the eyes, say that you love me and thanks me for being here for you - and really mean it -
i give you all the time, space and understanding that one could ever give
i take your hand when you lose your place in your own band
i take your shoulder and set it proud back when they started to question your capability
i sit next to you in every practice, in every show, in every moment when you need company
but then, you realize that you can't talk to me
saying it to my face
that you can't see where this going?
you decide that you can walk away
run and avoiding me
and everything that it take to leave me


And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?” 

now i realize that i might not be able to accept if you were to say that were done
and you know that as well

i hope that
one day when you have the courage to face me
one day when I have the faith to face you
you will look into my eyes and see the pain inside
you will feel the hurt in my heart
you will hear the cry of the mistake

let it be your mistake of leaving me
or my mistake letting you go

my smile that once bring shine to your life
my smile that once bring happiness to your heart
my smile that once bring new meaning to your relation
the smile that the only living ever received is you

is now gone...
but i still can fake a smile

** how can you do this to me

 ~hate me - Blue October ~

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

there's nothing left to say

 i never need the pain

I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs
I never needed pain, I never needed strength
My love for you was strong enough you should have known

I never needed you for judgements
I never needed you to question what I spent
I never ask for help, I take care of myself,
I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations
There isn't anything for you to say
And my eye's hurt, hand's shiver,
So look at me and listen to me because

I don't want too, stay another minute
I don't want you, to say a single word
Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, I get the final say because,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush, hush

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say
I never needed words
I never needed hurts
I never needed you to be there everyday

I'm sorry for the way I let go
From everything I wanted when you came along
But I'm never beaten, broken not defeated
I know next to you is not where I belong

And it's a little late for explanations

There isn't anything that you can do
And my eye's hurt, hand's shiver,
So you will listen when I say
Baby

I don't want too, stay another minute
I don't want you, to say a single word
Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, I get the final say because,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush, hush

First I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
But I grew strong I learned how to carry on

Hush, hush, hush hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken baby
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
Hey Hey..

Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, I get the final say,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love ïs broken
Baby hush, hush

pelangi

Langit itu bukan selalu cerah. 

Bukan selalu indah. Guruh, kilat, hujan. 

Kadang-kadang kita terlalu lalai nak tengok bawah. 

Lupa pada pokok, rumput, tanah. 

Sebab kita fikir atas sana lagi indah.

Awak,

Saya tahu awak tahu,

Saat saya putus untuk tetapkan hati, yakinkan diri - awak hilang

Biarkan saya terapung, paru-paru saya makin sempit. Jantung saya makin laju.

Tapi saya tak salahkan awak.

tapi hati saya mula membenci awak.

saya nak padam number awak dari phOnebook saya tp saya dh hafal la number awak.

kalau saya pakai number lain pun,saya masih akan curi-curi mesej awak.

sekarang ni pun tiap-tiap pagi saya langgar janji saya.

saya minta maaf.

Aku bukan wanita kuat seperti yang wujud dalam fikiran mu itu

Aku juga bukan pejuang yang akan bermatian untuk hati sendiri

Aku sudah belajar melepaskan (mungkin juga masih belajar)

Tapi aku masih simpan hati kamu

this could be my chance to say goodbye

THE USED - The Taste of Ink

Is it worth that can't you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this

Won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there so you can see it
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
We'll drink and dance the night away
We'll drink and dance the night away

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
Savor every moment of this

(As long as you're alive here I am..)

As long as you're alive
Here I am
I promise I will take you there

i can't help you to fix yourself but at least i tried

can i tell u how much u hurt me?

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

note :

you need time to sort out your life. Fine with me. I really don't know what kind of mess you are in but if my disappearance help, I will stay away. But how hard it is to just tell me what happen. I really thought that we had a very good relationship and we can talk about everything. I'm shocked that now I realize there are things that you still find it difficult to tell me. I can't force you to tell me. But please, don't left me hanging. At least tell me what to do. I'm so used of having you around and when suddenly you just shut me away, I feel....alone...

 

Do you have any idea how much it hurt to be left alone?

You did promise that you will never hurt me,but?

I'm trying really hard to forget you. To forget this pain. To move on with my life. It's not easy but I'll will always respect your decision.

no one want to wait forever

i wonder if i ever cross your mind

it hurts isn't??we didnt want 2 talk to each other but yet we're finding way to catch a glimpse of what the other people are doing..if you werent feeling the same way as i do, well, too bad for me.

~ i need you now but i rather to stay away~

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

woah woaaah.
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now (wait)
Ooo, baby, I need you now

Ms. DeafDaddy

~remember to care for those who care for you~

note :
i dun have a good relationship vt my dad.
i tried!!i really did.
hope we can make it work, one way or another

is it a sign?

get away~coz u want nothing to do with me

(Beating hearts baby...)
Baby is this love for real?
(Beating hearts baby...)
Let me in your arms to feel--
(Beating hearts baby...)
the beating of your heart baby.
(Beating hearts baby...)
The beating of your heart baby.

You...
You want nothing to do with me.
You...
You want nothing to do with me.
I...
I don't know what to do with you.
'Cause you...
don't know what you do to me.

Baby is this love for real?
Let me in your arms to feel--
the beating of your heart baby.
The beating of your heart baby.

(Beating hearts baby...)
Baby is this love for real?
(Beating hearts baby...)
Let me in your arms to feel--
(Beating hearts baby...)
your beating heart baby.
(Beating hearts baby...)
The beating of your heart baby.

Girl...
You really got your hold on me.
Girl...
You really got your hold on me.
Go...
You gotta get away from me.
'Cause you...
You want nothing to do with me.

Baby is this love is for real
Let me in your arms to feel--
the beating of your heart baby.
The beating of your heart baby.

(Beating hearts baby...)
Baby is this love for real?
(Beating hearts baby...)
Let me in your arms to feel--
(Beating hearts baby...)
your beating heart baby.
(Beating hearts baby...)
The beating of your heart baby.

In spite of you,
even out of view,
still I love all of you.
I.. I do. Yeah...

In spite of you,
even out of view,
still I love all of you.
I.. I do. Well...

You...
You want nothing to do with me.
You...
You want nothing to do with me.

Baby is this love for real?
Let me in your arms to feel--
your beating heart baby.
The beating of your heart baby.

(Beating hearts baby...)
Baby is this love for real?
(Beating hearts baby...)
Let me in your arms to feel--
(Beating hearts baby...)
the beating of your heart baby.
(Beating hearts baby...)
The beating of your heart baby.

Mr. FunnyRedSheet

special things

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd, but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away, away from me
It's all right, you can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy, or anything

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

I'm only a man
In a funny red sheet
I'm only a man
Looking for a dream

I'm only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it's not easy

Its not easy to be me

it's real even just for a while

Robert Pattinson Quote : "If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.".

~~

i cant go 2 heaven

Where do bad folks go when they die
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
Go to a lake of fire and fry
See them again 'till the Fourth of July

I knew a lady who came from Duluth
Bitten by a dog with a rabid tooth
She went to her grave just a little too soon
flew away howling on the yellow moon

Where do bad folks go when they die
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
Go to a lake of fire and fry
See them again 'till the Fourth of July

People cry and people moan
Look for a dry place to call their home
Try to find some place to rest their bones
Of an angels and the devils try to make 'em their own

Where do bad folks go when they die
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
Go to a lake of fire and fry
See them again 'till the Fourth of July

satu

shOck

kinda freak out when i see u here..

yap,u..

dun hv anythng to offer to u..rambling is all there is on this blog..not a good writer as u but im very impressed for d way of u expressing urself.cold blooded and all..

thanks anyway

not to say anything

- it hv been a while since the last time dat i actually watch it but it never failed to get me think -

*nothing to do vt anyone-it just me-

One Step Closer

A Thousand Years

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How do be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid  
To fall  
But watching you stand alone  
All of my doubt  
Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer


I have died everyday waiting for you  
Darling, don't be afraid  
I have loved you for a Thousand years  
I'll love you for a Thousand more


Time stands still  

I Love You So Much. Every time I say so,i will cry..

Beauty in all she is  
I will be brave  
I will not let anything  
Take away  
What's standing in front of me  
Every breath 

Every hour has come to this


One step closer


I have died everyday 
Waiting for you  
Darling, don't be afraid  
I have loved you for a Thousand years  
I'll love you for a Thousand more
And all along 
I believed  
I would find you  
Time has brought  
Your heart to me  
I have loved you for a Thousand years  
I'll love you for a Thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday  
Waiting for you  
Darling, don't be afraid
I have loved you for a Thousand years  
I'll love you for a Thousand more
And all along 
I believed  
I would find you  
Time has brought  
Your heart to me  
I have loved you for a Thousand years  
I'll love you for a Thousand more

Pencil + Eraser

Pencil: I'm sorry

Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.

Pencil: I'm sorry because you get hurt because of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.

Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad. :)

Our Parents are like the eraser whereas we children are the pencil. They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way they get hurt, older, and eventually pass away, they will still be proud of their children that had grown up to be independently.

So let your parents know you are thankful and grateful for their love and don't fight back when they are trying to protect you.

 

<3 Kim Mi Ha Cassiopeia <3

I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart

【 Marriage 】
「When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes..

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.
— At least, in the eyes of our son — I’m a loving husband...

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

happiness kit

back few week ago, i stumble upon a cute plastic vt a few cute thing inside it. a note come along vt it _Happiness Kit_ . well, to be frank, there's nothing much capture me at the first glance. there's an eraser,rubber band, piece of chocolate (eaten by some one) string, marble well, basically day to day thing. but later,it do look like gift bag or something. in one way it do try to tell me something.

you need not to burn a hole in your pocket and squeeze your brain out to find perfect present for perfect person for their perfect day.

i solemnly try to make up a few pack of this happiness kit to give those people around me as a token of appreciation for being always around. i will not take them for granted and as this kit will represent as day to day thing that ppl tend to neglect but they symbolize something deep down inside. 

knp kte x penah try to look deeper?malas mungkin?pnt nk fikir kn?one thing that for sure bring me back down is they are mortal.they will die. n one day u might not be able to tell them, u love them.

an eraser so you can make your mistake disappear but yet learn from it

a heart to remind you that love is all around

a rubber band to stretch yourself beyond your limit

a marble just in case someone says you've lost yours

a silver coin so you can never say “I'm broke”

chocolate to take the bitter with the sweet

a piece of string to tie things together when they fall apart

burnt biscuit isn't a deal breaker

 

When I was a kid, my mom would prepare special breakfast every now and then. And I remember one night in particular, after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: Honey, I love burned biscuits.

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned.

He wrapped me in his arms and said, Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides - a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone! You know, life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else.

What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults - and choosing to celebrate each other's differences - is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!

Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket - keep it in your own.

So Please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burnt one will do just fine =)

Malacca Road Trip =)

29 Oct 2011 (Saturday)

we went for my dear's friend wedding in Durian Tunggal
10.00 am : he told me to fetch me around this time due to certain thing, delayed to 11.00 am
11.00 am : still no sight of him :(
12.00 noon : to Taman Dato' Harun for Opel thingy.
12.30 noon : stuck at a place for ages waitng for him to settle his thing..cant teman him sebab parent dia ade skali..huhhhuhh.. masih belum mmpunyai keyakinan utk meet the parent..huhuhuhu :)
1.00 pm : otw to Malacca (at last). the car behaving quite good
2.30 pm : arriving in Malacca. tpaksa drive slowly sbb takut kete overheat
3.30 pm : jln2 around Malacca town n mkn CENDOL!!!super duper heavy traffic..

lps abes mkn, ktorg nk tgu Jonker walk bukak..sO we kill the time by jln2 kt satu museum nearby..cant remember museum ape but amazingly we are able to spend roughly 2hous day.. but there are things yg i never know abt our country smpai la g museum 2..

7.00pm : JONKER time!!!tp sadly xde duit nk shopping.. :( but im having a very good time sbb dpt jln2 ngn my dear!! :) dia belikn i beaded necklace!! :)

8.30 pm : gerak g mkn seafood :)

10.30 pm : journey back to Subang. and this is when the real road trip started. the car start to overheated excessively. stuck kt this one area (if im not mistaken -Osana housing area) for almost 1hour sebab nk bg enjin sejuk. then en.dear decide to jln balik..xsmpai sepuluh minit,kete overheat balik..stop kt RNR Ayer Keroh for around 45mins.siap tdo lg dlm kete sbb masing2 dh penat n kenyang sgt..uhhuuhhu..mse kt RNR 2 ktorg tjage ngn tbe2 sbb ade apek cina sergah ktorg (dia ckp dia mekanik la). rse cm xsedap hati je so ktorg gerak lg with the hope of reaching the next RNR safely. tp sebab kn enjin x btl2 sejuk mse gerak 2, ktorg dcide utk kuar dr highway sbb x sure kt mne next RNR. exit Senawang. dh call ETIQA tp kne pay around RM200 utk towing..mse ni pn jam dh kul 1.30am :( my dear ckp kte try drive lg la..shorten the distance n saving sumore money for the towing. Next RNR (maybe RNR Senawang) kte overheat lg..aduh...lepak lg..another hour in the car.. jln lg..smpai la RNR Seremban arah Utara n i ckp ngn my dear,it better for us to call the towing sbb as far as i concern the next RNR sgt2 la jaoh n xrse we(actually i worried for the car, i know how my dear love the car n ime myself pn dh rse attached to the car) goin to survive it.. sementara tgu towing car 2 smpai. ktorg men UNO..huuhuhuh..

04.00 am : towing car smpai..n tarik kami smpai la subang :)

05.30 am : smpai subang!!yeay!! **sigh

isteri solehah?will i ever be one?

Ya Allah..
Kau ampunilah dosa ku yang telah kuperbuat
Kau limpahkanlah aku dengan kesabaran yang tiada terbatas
Kau berikanlah aku kekuatan mental
Kau kurniakanlah aku dengan sifat keredhan
Kau peliharalah lidahku dari kata-kata nista
Kau kuatkanlah semangatku menempuhi segala cabaran Mu
Kau berikanlah aku sifat kasih sesama insan

Ya Allah…
Sekiranya suamiku ini adalah pilihan Mu di Arash
Berilah aku kekuatan dan keyakinan untuk terus bersamanya
Sekiranya suamiku ini adalah suami yang akan membimbing tanganku dititianMu
Kurniakanlah aku sifat kasih dan redha atas segala perbuatannya

Sekiranya suami ku ini adalah bidadara untuk ku di Jannah Mu
Limpahkanlah aku dengan sifat tunduk dan tawaduk akan segala perintahnya
Sekiranya suami ku ini adalah yang terbaik untukku di Dunia Mu
Peliharalah tingkah laku serta kata-kataku dari menyakiti perasaannya
Sekiranya suami ku ini jodoh yang dirahmati oleh Mu
Berilah aku kesabaran untuk menghadapi segala kerenah dan ragamnya

Tetapi ya Allah…Sekiranya suami ku ini ditakdirkan bukan untuk diriku seorang
Kau tunjukkanlah aku jalan yang terbaik untuk aku harungi segala dugaanMu
Sekiranya suami ku tergoda dengan keindahan dunia Mu
Limpahkanlah aku kesabaran untuk terus membimbingnya
Sekiranya suamiku tunduk terhadap nafsu yang melalaikan
Kurniakanlah aku kekuatan Mu untuk aku memperbetulkan keadaanya
Sekiranya suamiku menyintai kesesatan
Kau pandulah aku untuk menarik dirinya keluar dari terus terlena

Ya Allah…Kau yang Maha Mengetahui apa yang terbaik untukku
Kau juga yang Maha Mengampuni segala kesilapan dan keterlanjuranku
Sekiranya aku tersilap berbuat keputusan
Bimbinglah aku ke jalan yang Engkau redhai
Sekiranya aku lalai dalam tanggungjawabku sebagai isteri
Kau hukumlah aku didunia tetapi bukan diakhirat Mu
Sekiranya aku engkar dan derhaka

Berikanlah aku petunjuk kearah rahmatMu
Ya Allah…Sesungguhnya aku lemah tanpa petunjukMu
Aku buta tanpa bimbingan Mu
Aku cacat tanpa hidayah Mu
Aku hina tanpa Rahmat Mu

Ya Allah…Kuatkan hati dan semangatku
Tabahkan aku menghadapi segala cubaanMu
Jadikanlah aku isteri yang disenangi suami
Bukakanlah hatiku untuk menghayati agama Mu
Bimbinglah aku menjadi isteri Solehah
Hanya pada Mu,

Ya Allah…
Ku pohon segala harapan
Kerana aku pasrah dengan dugaan Mu
Kerana aku sedar hinanya aku
Kerana aku insan lemah yang kerap keliru
Kerana aku leka dengan keindahan duniaMu
Kerana kurang kesabaran ku menghadapi cabaran Mu
Kerana pendek akal ku mengharungi ujian Mu

Ya Allah Tuhanku…….
Aku hanya ingin menjadi isteri yang dirahmati
Isteri yang dikasihi
Isteri yang solehah
Isteri yang sentiasa dihati
Ameen, Ya Rabbi Allameen……

Hye.... i'm back!! wuhuuu!! hee....

Hr ni my syg got new hair cut tp tak smpat nk amik gmbr lak td sbb kejar kn kelas yg last skali student suma tak dtg. Hampeh!!!! tp my syg look very cute!! huhuhu...!!!

i love u bcoz of : 1) u r very cute ( very very cute!! errggghhh!! )
                          2) u r very smart
                          3) u have a very strong heart ( am i crying rite now? ) damn! i miss u!
                          4) u r the kind a person who knows how to talk to me
                          5) u've touch my heart ( that's when i fall in love with u )

Nnt gua sambung lg laa.. bluearghh...!!

my imaginary imagination erk??

imaginary kitchen :)

seem that i like contempary theme :)

look nice n simple :)

white look nice kn?

imaginary wedding

organ donor

pass by an ad wer they state that even when we die we can save other..
knp i attracted to this?
im not a good muslim as well as being a good member of the society..
in my thing to do before i die list, i pledge to do something for anoher human..
my family may go against it but i know by time they will understand..
lg pun they only take out certain thing yg funtional in your body after u die..so it wont cost so much of pain..hahahhaa..

dark side?
- nothing that i can think of

good side?
- ur are helping other in certain way. would u imagine just how grateful those ppl in need will be to have maybe liver@any parts of u (erk!!didnt mean to sound weirdly) so that u can help them continue their live and be happy?

i heard one of The Band Perry - If I Die Young.
there is one lyric where it put my mind into the state of thinking :
~~ i had just enough time~~
it means that HE already fit the time for you. it already enough for you,kan?? :)
then why did you question HIM of not enough time to do anything that u wanted to do in your life?
well,i take my balls(literally!!) and let it rolling..(the link up here is actually my to do list before i die)

- in certain way, u are technically (or medically) living??win win situation where the patient that need the organ to keep on living plus their family will have better hope and ur family will be proud that their kid did sumting good for other :)

- i cant say being an organ donor make u better than anyone else. but i know that deep down inside i will be satisfied that my functional part of my body will be used to mybe another decade.
maybe i dun have the right utk bg organ to other ppl sbb badan i adalah pinjaman i dari Tuhan and i patut pulangkan. but i stand my ground that even i bg kt org lain, sooner or later organ tu akan balik kepada-Nya.and im selling it,not for benefit but for sumone happiness.

giftoflife

im not encouraging anyone to be a donor but well this is my blog and i can do anything with it :)

who know that you might saving this kid life?
letting him live a little better?

Hari ni ada org merajuk...huhu..jgn laa majuk2 uuuhhh...=)

thursday 20 october 2011 (2nd edition)

4 new book!! :)

en.hubby pny kerja!!i xde kaitan..kOt?

from my hubby

burung marah

aliah suke angry birds :)

Thursday, 20 October 2011

OCTOBER

Trustworthy and loyal

Very passionate and dangerous

Wild at times. Knows how to have fun

Sexy and mysterious

Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality.

Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. 

Meets new people easily and very social in a group.

Fearless and independent. 

Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. 

Essentially very smart. 

Usually, you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.

**woot wOot**

bread @ burger

nak bela kura2 pleassseeee.... :)
bosan la xde kwn kt dlm offc nih..
tp nnt nk kne bg mkn pulak..
nk kne cuci balang dia..
nk kne bwk dia jln2...

xpe2..hubby ade..hahahahahah (evil laugh)

nk kura2 yg blh d mkn cm ni..hahahahhaha..

ni pn cm nmpk sedap kn?