 |
| I'm in pain but I won't let you Band-Aid my wound |
Tuesday, 4 September 2012
:: the broken angel ::
A slow strangle with your feet on the floor
A slow strangle with your feet on the floor
Monday, 27 August 2012
a fake smile is still a smile
 |
| do i try too hard to make you smile? |
I'm so in love with you
You'll never take that away
And if I've said it a hundred times before
Expect a thousand more
You'll never take that away
Well expect me to be
Calling you to see
If you're OK when I'm not around
Asking "if you love me"
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make us smile
I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me
I thought that the world had lost it's sway
It's so hard sometimes
Then I fell in love with you
Then came you
And you took that away
It's not so difficult
The world is not so difficult
You take away the old
Show me the new
And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you
So while I'm on this phone
A hundred miles from home
I'll take the words you gave me and send them back to you
I only want to see
If you're OK when I'm not around
Asking "if you love me"
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make us smile
warna kelabu di mata ku...pernahkah kamu sedari kewujudannya?
en.Rumah,
jika aku bisa tahu waktu yang tepat utk kembali kepada kamu, aku yakin sepenuh hati aku yang aku akan tunggu kamu.
tapi aku punya hati yang ingin rasa cinta anugerah Ilahi
hati aku rindu perhatian
hati aku tamak.
kekosongan yang kamu tinggalkan sentiasa buat aku berduka dengan kegagalan aku utk menjadi yang terbaik utk kamu
kehilangan kamu dari lintasan episod hidup, menyatakan bencana walaupun cuma utk aku terus bernyawa
kamu bukan hanya seorang manusia yang singgah kala hujan tapi kamu adalah hidup aku
kehidupan yang tinggalkan aku terumbang ambing
sesungguhnya aku sedang mengumpul kekuatan utk membuka hati aku utk insan lain
kesedaran bahawa aku tak mungkin kecapi bahagia seperti kamu, aku tetap langkah kaki ku utk ke depan
kesakitan ini bukan hanya utk hati ku tapi utk insan selepas kamu lihat dan masih mampu terima kekhilafan aku
pinta aku cuma dia mampu lihat warna kelabu di mata ku
selama aku hilang sinar kamu, aku cuma sedar satu perkara
aku tidak pernah ragu tentang satu perkara
hati ini benar benar milik kamu
_aku perlukan kekuatan utk senyum bila aku terdengar nama kamu di panggil nanti_
Thursday, 21 June 2012
take it all away, shadows of you, cause they won't let me go
 |
| all the promise I made |
I've been believing in something so distant
As if I was human
And I've been denying this feeling of hopelessness
In me, in me
All the promises I made
Just to let you down
You believed in me, but I'm broken
I have nothing left
And all I feel is this cruel wanting
We've been falling for all this time
And now I'm lost in paradise
As much as I'd like the past not to exist
It still does
And as much as I'd like to feel like I belong here
I'm just as scared as you
I have nothing left
And all I feel is this cruel wanting
We've been falling for all this time
And now I'm lost in paradise
Run away, run away
One day we won't feel this pain anymore
Take it all away
Shadows of you
Cause they won't let me go
Until I have nothing left
And all I feel is this cruel wanting
We've been falling for all this time
And now I'm lost in paradise
Alone, and lost in paradise
jangan hidup dalam bayang lagi
Kehidupan mahu Pelindung gembira
Kehidupan mahu Pelindung bahagia
dan yang paling penting, Kehidupan mahu Pelindung tahu betapa
kasih,
cinta dan sayangnya Kehidupan pada Pelindung
jadi, Pelindung kena janji dengan Kehidupan yang Pelindung akan jadi "insan" terbaik
yang Pelindung mampu
Kehidupan izinkan Pelindung pergi
 |
satu hari nanti, kalau Matahari wujud,
Pelindung akan jadi pelindung Kehidupan |
Monday, 11 June 2012
the only thing in life that i never have second thought of is you
 |
| i miss this <3 |
Waking up at the start of the end of the world,
But it's feeling just like every other morning before,
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone,
The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour
And I started staring at the passengers who're waving goodbye
Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?
I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Well I believe it all is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
I think it turned ten o'clock but I don't really know
And I can't remember caring for an hour or so
Started crying and I couldn't stop myself
I started running but there's no where to run to
I sat down on the street took a look at myself
Said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell
Say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to
I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
It's gone, gone, baby, it's all gone
There is no one on the corner and there's no one at home
It was cool cool, it was just all cool
Now it's over for me and it's over for you
Well it's gone, gone, baby, it's all gone
There is no one on the corner and there's no one at home
Well it was cool cool, it was just all cool
Now it's over for me and it's over for you
I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
Let's see how far we've come
But it's feeling just like every other morning before,
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone,
The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour
And I started staring at the passengers who're waving goodbye
Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?
I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Well I believe it all is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
I think it turned ten o'clock but I don't really know
And I can't remember caring for an hour or so
Started crying and I couldn't stop myself
I started running but there's no where to run to
I sat down on the street took a look at myself
Said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell
Say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to
I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
It's gone, gone, baby, it's all gone
There is no one on the corner and there's no one at home
It was cool cool, it was just all cool
Now it's over for me and it's over for you
Well it's gone, gone, baby, it's all gone
There is no one on the corner and there's no one at home
Well it was cool cool, it was just all cool
Now it's over for me and it's over for you
I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
Let's see how far we've come
how far we've come
if i ever have one more day to be with you - i will let you know how much you meant to me.
i'll cry in your arm, in your hug.
i'm goin to lie naked vt you.
i'm goin to lay my head on your chest.
hear your heart beating. hear every breath of yours.
put our song on.
talk without talking.
i want my love of my life back.
do things that we want to do.
go to place that we want to go.
have future as we planned to have.
i think all those memories we build. the one you make me believe its real.
am i just stupid and blind?
and at the end of the day, when its time to be apart,
to take our separate course of life,
i wish we wont cross each other path anymore as i could never imagine seeing you without me,
i cant stand to see the image of us not growing old together
i'll cry in your arm, in your hug.
i'm goin to lie naked vt you.
i'm goin to lay my head on your chest.
hear your heart beating. hear every breath of yours.
put our song on.
talk without talking.
i want my love of my life back.
do things that we want to do.
go to place that we want to go.
have future as we planned to have.
i think all those memories we build. the one you make me believe its real.
am i just stupid and blind?
and at the end of the day, when its time to be apart,
to take our separate course of life,
i wish we wont cross each other path anymore as i could never imagine seeing you without me,
i cant stand to see the image of us not growing old together
existence @ non existence
i'm changing everything as if you never exist
i'm talking to myself as if i'm talkin to the only one who ever going to understand me
i'm imagining thing that should have been as if i never met u
you are my sun
 |
| we only just begun |
I'm better
So much better now
I see the light, touch the light,
We're together now
So much better now
I see the light, touch the light,
We're together now
I'm better
So much better now
Look to the skies, gives me life
We're together now
We've only just begun
Hypnotised by drums
Until forever comes
You'll find us chasing the sun
They said this day wouldn't come
We refused to run
We've only just begun
You'll find us chasing the sun
When Daylight's fading
We're gonna play in the dark
Till it's golden again
And now it feels so amazing
Can see you coming
And We'll never grow old again
You'll find us chasing the sun
I'm never
I'm never down
Lying here, staring up
And you're looking down
I'm never
I'm never down
Live forever, forever
With you around
So much better now
Look to the skies, gives me life
We're together now
We've only just begun
Hypnotised by drums
Until forever comes
You'll find us chasing the sun
They said this day wouldn't come
We refused to run
We've only just begun
You'll find us chasing the sun
When Daylight's fading
We're gonna play in the dark
Till it's golden again
And now it feels so amazing
Can see you coming
And We'll never grow old again
You'll find us chasing the sun
I'm never
I'm never down
Lying here, staring up
And you're looking down
I'm never
I'm never down
Live forever, forever
With you around
**you know that you are always my sun. i didn't worship you but in sense of self-note, you are the only person who know me better than myself.
Monday, 14 May 2012
be awake
I feel like im in slow motion
Everything around me jz moving too fast
Ppl keep asking if im ok..if im fine..
And they want me to say im fine when im not
So they will feel better abt me
But I dun noe how to do it.
Sunday, 5 February 2012
Sabar Itu Indah
aku lihat ada
kebencian di mata kamu
kemarahan di hati kamu
tapi
mungkinkah sebenarnya
pandanganmu
terlalu kosong untuk aku tafsirkan
terlalu jauh untuk aku gapai
aku cuba memahami
benar, aku Hawa bukan yang terbaik untuk Adam seperti kamu
tapi aku berusaha untuk kamu
Kasih,
jika aku bukan pilihan mu
mampukah kamu berterus terang?
jangan biarkan aku terus melayang
tenggelam dalam lautan yang tak tenang
kau perlu waktu
kau mahu ruang
seluas mana yang kau mahu?yg kau perlu?
aku mahu tunggu tapi aku insan yang buntu
yang lemah dalam membuat keputusan hidupku
aku katakan sabar itu indah
Ya Allah, aku berdoa pada Mu agar berikan aku kekuatan untuk terus bersabar
aku masih hamba Mu yang lemah dalam menghadapi dugaan Mu
Ya Allah,
Kau lebih Maha Mengetahui apa yang tbaik untuk ku
dan hati ku ini mengaharapkn agar Kau pulangkan kasih ku
Jika bukan dia yang Kau takdirkan untuk ku
aku mohon agar kau tenangkan hati ku
jauh kn dia dari jiwa ku
aku mohon.....
kebencian di mata kamu
kemarahan di hati kamu
tapi
mungkinkah sebenarnya
pandanganmu
terlalu kosong untuk aku tafsirkan
terlalu jauh untuk aku gapai
aku cuba memahami
benar, aku Hawa bukan yang terbaik untuk Adam seperti kamu
tapi aku berusaha untuk kamu
Kasih,
jika aku bukan pilihan mu
mampukah kamu berterus terang?
jangan biarkan aku terus melayang
tenggelam dalam lautan yang tak tenang
kau perlu waktu
kau mahu ruang
seluas mana yang kau mahu?yg kau perlu?
aku mahu tunggu tapi aku insan yang buntu
yang lemah dalam membuat keputusan hidupku
aku katakan sabar itu indah
Ya Allah, aku berdoa pada Mu agar berikan aku kekuatan untuk terus bersabar
aku masih hamba Mu yang lemah dalam menghadapi dugaan Mu
Ya Allah,
Kau lebih Maha Mengetahui apa yang tbaik untuk ku
dan hati ku ini mengaharapkn agar Kau pulangkan kasih ku
Jika bukan dia yang Kau takdirkan untuk ku
aku mohon agar kau tenangkan hati ku
jauh kn dia dari jiwa ku
aku mohon.....
LFC
ya.. mungkin dia sudah lupakan segalanya tp aku masih di situ
bukan aku mahu menjadi wanita yg menagih simpati
(tp mungkin juga dlm pandangan mata individu di sekelilingku)
bukan aku mahu menjadi wanita yg lemah hati
gerai makan di penjuru jalan
penuh lampu dan cerah itu
membuat kan aku rasa kehadirannya
merasakan aku separuh daripada dia
meja itu tempat kami melihat dunia dengan pandangan kami sendiri
ya..mungkin juga kata-kata yang tidak masuk akal tentang sesiapa, tentang apa-apa
pesanan kami tetap sama setiap kali
turut membuatkan aku teringat tentang dia
baju merah pengubat rindu turut menjadi teman ku
manusia lain tetap sama cuma tiada dia
kerana aku tahu dia tak mungkin ada di sisi ku
my ever long lust of football end back few week. I shouldn't shed tears upon a match but i did.
being there, alone make me wonder a lot about him.
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
to : my man that can't be moved
Summer after high school when we first met
We make out in your Mustang to Radiohead
And on my 18th Birthday
We got matching tattoos
Grab a bunch of blanket
And climb to the roof
Talk about our future
Like we had a clue
Never planned that one day
I'd be losing you
In another life
I would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises
Be us against the world
In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away
I was June and you were my Johnny Cash
Never one without the other we made a pact
Sometimes when I miss you
I put those records on
Someone said you had your tattoo removed
Saw you downtown singing the Blues
It's time to face the music
I'm no longer your muse
But in another life
You would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises
Be us against the world
In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away
All this money can't buy me a time machine (Nooooo)
It can't replace you with a million rings (Nooooo)
I shoulda told you what you meant to me (Woooooow)
'Cause now I paid the price
In another life
I would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises
Be us against the world
In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away
We make out in your Mustang to Radiohead
And on my 18th Birthday
We got matching tattoos
Grab a bunch of blanket
And climb to the roof
Talk about our future
Like we had a clue
Never planned that one day
I'd be losing you
In another life
I would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises
Be us against the world
In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away
I was June and you were my Johnny Cash
Never one without the other we made a pact
Sometimes when I miss you
I put those records on
Someone said you had your tattoo removed
Saw you downtown singing the Blues
It's time to face the music
I'm no longer your muse
But in another life
You would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises
Be us against the world
In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away
All this money can't buy me a time machine (Nooooo)
It can't replace you with a million rings (Nooooo)
I shoulda told you what you meant to me (Woooooow)
'Cause now I paid the price
In another life
I would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises
Be us against the world
In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away
** at this very moment, i wish that we never be apart. all things are just simply nightmare and i know in a short while i will wake up and we will still be together. i really miss u and need you. please, tell me what am i suppose to do. it hurt me badly not to know what wrong with us.
** in another life, i will keep my promise, as u will keep yours, we'll be together. promise me.
Thursday, 29 December 2011
28th December 2011
Akhirnya Pelindung mati.
Meninggalkan Kehidupan mencari erti perjalanananya sendiri. Membiarkan Kehidupan terkapai-kapai. Membawa seribu satu pertanyaan untuk Kehidupan. Kehidupan tercari-cari arah dalam terang. Kehidupan tergapai-gapai walaupun celik. Mungkin Kehidupan tidak akan dapat memahami apa yang Pelindung cuba lakukan. Ya, Pelindung amat bermakna untuk Kehidupan. Kehidupan tidak akan lupa. Kehidupan juga tidak akan memaafkan. Kehidupan bukan kejam. Tapi lebih mudah begitu.
Matahari datang
Matahari keringkan tanah yang basah dek hujan yang tak henti-henti turun
Matahari hangatkan sekujur tubuh yang terlalu lama dibiarkan dalam kesejukan
Tapi Kehidupan marah pada Matahari sebab buat Kehidupan sedih, marah dan benci pada Pelindung.
Hati dan jiawa Kehidupan, Pelindung yang pegang dan jaga. Tapi sekarang apa yang Kehidupan nak buat dengan cebisan hati ni?
Kehidupan kini tak punya lagi hati. Kehidupan mahu Pelindung tahu yang Kehidupan punya hati untuk Pelindung sahaja.
Kehidupan sengaja membiarkan Pelindung menolak. Sebab Kehidupan tahu, mana akhirnye walaupun dia kutip cebis-cebis hatinya, cantumkan kembali, Kehidupan tetap akan lalui hari-harinya sendiri.
Tahniah kepada Kehidupan kerana tetap tabah
Tahniah kepada Pelindung kerana akhirnya kamu musnahkan erti kepercayaan
ke mana arah kini?
jangan takut lalui lorong gelap itu. mungkin di situ la tempat kamu akan jumpa cahaya
Meninggalkan Kehidupan mencari erti perjalanananya sendiri. Membiarkan Kehidupan terkapai-kapai. Membawa seribu satu pertanyaan untuk Kehidupan. Kehidupan tercari-cari arah dalam terang. Kehidupan tergapai-gapai walaupun celik. Mungkin Kehidupan tidak akan dapat memahami apa yang Pelindung cuba lakukan. Ya, Pelindung amat bermakna untuk Kehidupan. Kehidupan tidak akan lupa. Kehidupan juga tidak akan memaafkan. Kehidupan bukan kejam. Tapi lebih mudah begitu.
Matahari datang
Matahari keringkan tanah yang basah dek hujan yang tak henti-henti turun
Matahari hangatkan sekujur tubuh yang terlalu lama dibiarkan dalam kesejukan
Tapi Kehidupan marah pada Matahari sebab buat Kehidupan sedih, marah dan benci pada Pelindung.
Hati dan jiawa Kehidupan, Pelindung yang pegang dan jaga. Tapi sekarang apa yang Kehidupan nak buat dengan cebisan hati ni?
Kehidupan kini tak punya lagi hati. Kehidupan mahu Pelindung tahu yang Kehidupan punya hati untuk Pelindung sahaja.
Kehidupan sengaja membiarkan Pelindung menolak. Sebab Kehidupan tahu, mana akhirnye walaupun dia kutip cebis-cebis hatinya, cantumkan kembali, Kehidupan tetap akan lalui hari-harinya sendiri.
Tahniah kepada Kehidupan kerana tetap tabah
Tahniah kepada Pelindung kerana akhirnya kamu musnahkan erti kepercayaan
ke mana arah kini?
jangan takut lalui lorong gelap itu. mungkin di situ la tempat kamu akan jumpa cahaya
Thursday, 22 December 2011
don't take it so bad,i'll still be thinking of you
Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Something's changing inside you
And don't you know
Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinking of you
And the times we had...baby
And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
And please remember that I never lied
And please remember how I felt inside now honey
You got to make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Something's changing inside you
And don't you know
Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinking of you
And the times we had...baby
And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
And please remember that I never lied
And please remember how I felt inside now honey
You got to make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight
this is for you
do i want a proper good bye?
do i need you to confront me?
do i hope that you will actually saying its all a lil misunderstanding?
i can't even imagine if you were to say good bye
i don't want to feel sick seeing you
i wouldn't take it as a mistake
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
do you have any idea how hard it is? How i try my very hard to keep my sanity?
people would say that I'm pathetic. Crying over spill milk.
but what they never know is what it took for me to unlock and open up my heart?
open up for you. Dammit!! It hurt. As much I really want to make you suffer for doing this to me, I won't be able to hurt you, ever.
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space
yes, i gave you all the space in world but suddenly you decide to left me hanging.
i know i tried to reach you but purely because I'm so used to have you around
to have you making me smile
to have you soothing me when I'm sad, owh, maybe that is why I felt your disappearance so much. I never thought that you will be the one that make me sad. I didn't come out with back up plan of it.
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
i don't really know if i were good enough
i don't really know if i were supportive enough
i don't really know if i were understanding enough
i never doubted you when you are in your weird moment. i understand that you are not as plain as any other person. you are unique in your way.
i recalled that you told me why you choose me at the first place
reading those messages where you try to convince me that we will be together
make me dying
make me feel ridiculous
make me feel mad
why did you make me believe that we could we be together when you, yourself are trying to love me?
after all this while, only now i realize that its just a try-to-make-it-work basis relationship.
I'm your try and error experimental guinea pig.
I'm just your trial.
I'm just a toy after all,isn't?
I always be there for you
right behind you
when things turn ugly, I'm there to make you think the bright side of it
is it enough?
is it good for you?
i never question those thing that i know i won't understand
i never stand between your family, your band, even yourself
i never make you chose either one of it
i never make you put me first then your band, your father, your brother
even when i really want you to look me in the eyes, say that you love me and thanks me for being here for you - and really mean it -
i give you all the time, space and understanding that one could ever give
i take your hand when you lose your place in your own band
i take your shoulder and set it proud back when they started to question your capability
i sit next to you in every practice, in every show, in every moment when you need company
but then, you realize that you can't talk to me
saying it to my face
that you can't see where this going?
you decide that you can walk away
run and avoiding me
and everything that it take to leave me
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”
now i realize that i might not be able to accept if you were to say that were done
and you know that as well
i hope that
one day when you have the courage to face me
one day when I have the faith to face you
you will look into my eyes and see the pain inside
you will feel the hurt in my heart
you will hear the cry of the mistake
let it be your mistake of leaving me
or my mistake letting you go
my smile that once bring shine to your life
my smile that once bring happiness to your heart
my smile that once bring new meaning to your relation
the smile that the only living ever received is you
is now gone...
but i still can fake a smile
do i need you to confront me?
do i hope that you will actually saying its all a lil misunderstanding?
i can't even imagine if you were to say good bye
i don't want to feel sick seeing you
i wouldn't take it as a mistake
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
do you have any idea how hard it is? How i try my very hard to keep my sanity?
people would say that I'm pathetic. Crying over spill milk.
but what they never know is what it took for me to unlock and open up my heart?
open up for you. Dammit!! It hurt. As much I really want to make you suffer for doing this to me, I won't be able to hurt you, ever.
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space
yes, i gave you all the space in world but suddenly you decide to left me hanging.
i know i tried to reach you but purely because I'm so used to have you around
to have you making me smile
to have you soothing me when I'm sad, owh, maybe that is why I felt your disappearance so much. I never thought that you will be the one that make me sad. I didn't come out with back up plan of it.
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
i don't really know if i were good enough
i don't really know if i were supportive enough
i don't really know if i were understanding enough
i never doubted you when you are in your weird moment. i understand that you are not as plain as any other person. you are unique in your way.
i recalled that you told me why you choose me at the first place
- you know that i will able to cope with your difference-
what happen to that belief? why do chose to left me behind?reading those messages where you try to convince me that we will be together
make me dying
make me feel ridiculous
make me feel mad
why did you make me believe that we could we be together when you, yourself are trying to love me?
after all this while, only now i realize that its just a try-to-make-it-work basis relationship.
I'm your try and error experimental guinea pig.
I'm just your trial.
I'm just a toy after all,isn't?
I always be there for you
right behind you
when things turn ugly, I'm there to make you think the bright side of it
is it enough?
is it good for you?
i never question those thing that i know i won't understand
i never stand between your family, your band, even yourself
i never make you chose either one of it
i never make you put me first then your band, your father, your brother
even when i really want you to look me in the eyes, say that you love me and thanks me for being here for you - and really mean it -
i give you all the time, space and understanding that one could ever give
i take your hand when you lose your place in your own band
i take your shoulder and set it proud back when they started to question your capability
i sit next to you in every practice, in every show, in every moment when you need company
but then, you realize that you can't talk to me
saying it to my face
that you can't see where this going?
you decide that you can walk away
run and avoiding me
and everything that it take to leave me
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”
now i realize that i might not be able to accept if you were to say that were done
and you know that as well
i hope that
one day when you have the courage to face me
one day when I have the faith to face you
you will look into my eyes and see the pain inside
you will feel the hurt in my heart
you will hear the cry of the mistake
let it be your mistake of leaving me
or my mistake letting you go
my smile that once bring shine to your life
my smile that once bring happiness to your heart
my smile that once bring new meaning to your relation
the smile that the only living ever received is you
is now gone...
but i still can fake a smile
** how can you do this to me
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”
Monday, 19 December 2011
there's nothing left to say
I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs
I never needed pain, I never needed strength
My love for you was strong enough you should have known
I never needed you for judgements
I never needed you to question what I spent
I never ask for help, I take care of myself,
I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me
I never needed you to question what I spent
I never ask for help, I take care of myself,
I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me
And it's a little late for conversations
There isn't anything for you to say
And my eye's hurt, hand's shiver,
So look at me and listen to me because
I don't want too, stay another minute
I don't want you, to say a single word
Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, I get the final say because,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush, hush
I don't want you, to say a single word
Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, I get the final say because,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush, hush
I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say
I never needed words
I never needed hurts
I never needed you to be there everyday
I'm sorry for the way I let go
From everything I wanted when you came along
But I'm never beaten, broken not defeated
I know next to you is not where I belong
From everything I wanted when you came along
But I'm never beaten, broken not defeated
I know next to you is not where I belong
And it's a little late for explanations
pelangi
Langit itu bukan selalu cerah.
Bukan selalu indah. Guruh, kilat, hujan.
Kadang-kadang kita terlalu lalai nak tengok bawah.
Lupa pada pokok, rumput, tanah.
Sebab kita fikir atas sana lagi indah.
Awak,
Saya tahu awak tahu,
Saat saya putus untuk tetapkan hati, yakinkan diri - awak hilang
Biarkan saya terapung, paru-paru saya makin sempit. Jantung saya makin laju.
Tapi saya tak salahkan awak.
tapi hati saya mula membenci awak.
saya nak padam number awak dari phOnebook saya tp saya dh hafal la number awak.
kalau saya pakai number lain pun,saya masih akan curi-curi mesej awak.
sekarang ni pun tiap-tiap pagi saya langgar janji saya.
saya minta maaf.
Aku bukan wanita kuat seperti yang wujud dalam fikiran mu itu
Aku juga bukan pejuang yang akan bermatian untuk hati sendiri
Aku sudah belajar melepaskan (mungkin juga masih belajar)
Tapi aku masih simpan hati kamu
this could be my chance to say goodbye
Is it worth that can't you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free
So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
Won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there so you can see it
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
We'll drink and dance the night away
We'll drink and dance the night away
So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
Savor every moment of this
(As long as you're alive here I am..)
As long as you're alive
Here I am
I promise I will take you there
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